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Transcription:Disney Princess War
the Disney Castle :Snow White: Welcome to the Princess Summit, to inside where we address the complex political issues facing our kingdoms. :Rapunzel: Hairstyles. :Cinderella: Talking pets. :Tiana: Hairstyles for our talking pets. :Ariel: Crabs. looks at her in disgust I've got crabs. :Snow White: Well, isn't that just, um... and where is our newest princess? :enters carrying a dead boar dripping with blood :Merida: Ach! Sorry I'm late. I killed a boar on the way here. :Aurora: sarcastic Oh, you're so feminist and empowered. Great. :Merida: boar on the table and gutting it 'Ey, wee beastie! Have we got to grievances yet? A bunch of wee dwarves are illegally mining me territory. :Snow White: Oh, Merida, you have far bigger problems. Let me tell you about them. :Merida: Not a damn song. :Snow White: singing Here's a list of things to drop :Your accent, bow, that tangled mop :Fifteen pounds from off your hips :Those ginger afros 'neath your pits :And no prince will want to mingle :Cinderella, Aurora, and Ariel hold up gold records With a girl with no hit single :Cinderella: And your pet's hair is a disaster. :Merida: That's me mother! She's a bear! The trailer was very misleading! the knife to Snow White's neck I came here looking for justice; instead, I found treachery. Prepare yourself for war. :followed by... :Mulan: Someone finally said it! See you on the killing field, round-eyes. :Belle: Amen, sister. :Tiana: Stuck-up bitches! :follows. The remaining princesses look on transition to the next scene, where Snow White is preparing her army for war against Merida's army :Snow White: Oh, that Merida! I'll show her. the window Send in my war counsel. cute Disney-esque bird flies up to the windowsill What shall I do, little one? :Blue bird: with subtitles Core that bitch like an apple. :Snow White: Oh my. :Blue bird: Weave a tapestry of their intestines. :Snow White: Okay, okay, I get it, I get it. We need weapons. :Cinderella: I've got a guy. :Fairy Godmother appears :Snow White: Oh, good idea. We'll fight them with magic. :Fairy Godmother: bag of assault weapons on table Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo, that's twenty grand. :Princesses: Ooh, wow! :Ariel: Do you need thingamabobs? I've got thingamabobs. :Jasmine: Nobody cares about the dildo collection you dredged up from the Atlantic, you fishy bitch. runs away crying Anyone else have cold tits? Merida's training grounds :Merida: All right, ladies. Show me what you've got. :whips the practice dummy with her hair, dismembering, then strangling it :Rapunzel: I finally found the perfect conditioner—''the dummy's head off'' blood! :see arrows miss a target; these arrows are being shot by Louis :Louis: Oh, curse these stubby arms. :Merida: You're an alligator. Be an alligator! :turns to Mushu, who is standing beside him :Mushu: Oh, wait! Don't...! :eats Mushu :Louis: Oh! I'm so sorry! :Mulan: No, no, it was...it was a good kill. : :to Snow White's army, ready for their coming battle : :Snow White: Not all of us will live to wish upon a star tonight, but we give our lives for a greater good. :Aurora: yawning Oh dear, I think I'm getting sleepy. I might have to sit this one out, guys. :Snow White: Don't you pull that shit now! :Aurora: Just teasing. :arrow fired by an offscreen Merida strikes Aurora in the throat, killing her instantly '' :'Merida': ''her army at the top of a hill Bring me the scalp and/or weave of Snow White! Charge! :armies charge at each other :Jasmine: I will show you a world of death! :meet in the middle, where Ariel, now a mermaid, has brought an atomic bomb :Ariel: Look, everyone! I brought my thingamabob! My weapons-grade thingamabob! :Cinderella: Oh, you just don't know what words are. That's your thing. :bomb starts beeping, indicating its imminent detonation :Princesses: 'Aah! Run away! Run away! :pops up from behind the bomb :'Sebastian: singing Bend over and grab your ankles! :bomb explodes, completely obscuring the scene with smoke and ash, until it dissipates, revealing that the explosion has eradicated almost everything, leaving nothing but a barren wasteland :wounded Merida trudges by : :Merida: Me mother's a bear. : :arrives, then shoots her in the head with a gun, winks, and leaves Category:Transcriptions Category:Walt Disney Television Animation